A New Beginning or A New After?

Tomorrow we finally lay our sweet little one to rest. We decided against a funeral because, to be quite honest, we weren't sure we could handle visiting with everyone we knew and also we had no idea that I would be as well as I am. The doctors told me it could be months before I was completely recovered. I may be weak, but physically I'm basically back to myself. We've talked a lot about tomorrow, as well as other special dates that mean something to all three of us throughout the year and how to deal with those. We didn't come up with an answer other than to just get through them. Tomorrow is one of those days. Thankfully, we both have a wonderful family to support us.

The one thing we truly understand is that we can't stay in the past. Right now it's really hard, but once tomorrow is over, we have to live in the after. Maybe it's a new beginning? Maybe it's just the after. I don't know. Either way, it's a new start, a different beginning, a new happily ever after. We refuse to read or believe the statistics on marriages after child loss. I honestly feel closer to my husband now than I did when we were married. I have no doubt we'll stumble our way through this and happy days will return.

Once we know a little more about what might or might not have caused my IUGR and pre-eclampsia (well at least to the best of the dr's ability based on my lab results) and we have found ourselves again, then we are going to come back to the idea of having children again. Right now is not the time. If adoption is our only route, then so be it. We may give it a try. If my labs come back and there is something there that stands out like a sore thumb and we can control it, then maybe we'll try again. We don't know and won't for awhile, but we've got our plan. We are planners after all. It makes us feel better. Spontaneity, not so much. lol

Please pray for our family tomorrow as we go through this difficult time. I know I've said it before, but we really do appreciate and feel all those prayers that have been directed our way. It's amazing how much being surrounded by the love of your friends and family can help get you through just one more day.