Saturday, April 3, 2010

Day 22

Today is probably the last day I'll be posting for awhile. I am being induced tomorrow morning. I was told the entire process may take a day or two. Although we've been waiting for this news, based on the early onset IUGR and the severe pre-eclampsia, the doctors have now shifted to maternal care instead of fetal. There really is no chance of fetal survival at this point and certain areas of my body are beginning to deteriorate; so, something has to be done.

Hopefully, I'll be home by next weekend and we can begin to try to move on from here.

37 comments:

Amanda said...

Kerry I am so sorry. I am at a loss as to what to say to you. I'm just so sorry sweetie.

Sarah said...

I am so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts.

belle said...

kerry, you are loved and thought of today. (((hugs)))

i'm thinking of you tomorrow and the next day and the next day......

Jaime said...

Kerry, my heart goes out to you. Make the most of your time with your Josey... kiss her and hug her and love your every single minute with her. xo

Please know we are all here for you when/if you are ready to come back.

xoxo

*Laura Angel said...

Im so sorry! I will still pray for a miracle! We will be here for you when you return to posting. I agree with Jaime kiss and hug her as much as you can. I lost my daughter at 31 weeks due to preeclampsia as well :( Its never easy!

Krystle said...

I know nothing that I can say will even remotely affect how you feel. From day 1 you want "that" baby, it doesn't matter how many more you may be able to make. From a miscarriage at 5 weeks to fetal demise at 24 weeks, the heartbreak is still there. I read Ashley's story religiously as I was having issues in my pregnancy as well. It will take time, alot of time. I agree to cherish her while you have her. You may want to ask if they have a photographer on hand, I know i've read that they donate their services and take pictures of the babies, in a very graceful way. I hope your delivery goes well, and you still have a baby girl and you are still a mother.

Antoinette said...

omg omg omg....i am crying with you...im so mad right now..WHY????

I am so so so soryy you have to go through this..I wish I could take your pain away physical but mostly mental as that will last longer....A strong family and all of us are how you will get through this. My heart is with you and I will pray that this does not last too long. All I can say from a mother who had many regrets when she left the hospital is hold your baby as long as you can, take as many pictures with your baby as you can, have a blanket of your own to wrap him in so you can take this home too.....hold him and let him know he is loved by so many....God bless him...I will pray to my Angel Alyssa to be with all of you and protect him for as long as she can. God forbid she is to join him I will ask her to show him the way...I wished for a different outcome...I prayed...I still hope that things will be different....God bless you and your baby... :''''''''''''''((((( im so sorry

The Ramirez Family said...

I am so sorry! Cherish every last moment you have. Try to "enjoy" the labor process. Take picture after picture (even if you don't think you will want them) Make sure and get hand and foot molds. Have someone do them of her holding your finger and her daddy's too. Bath her and dress her. Get a recording of her heartbeat. And most of all DON'T GIVE UP!!! I am still going to pray for a miracle!!!

Ashley R said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers through this difficult time.

singlemomslife said...

Kerry I am so sorry!! Iam praying for a miracle for you!

Maddie said...

I am sorry. Just repeating what others have said, get someone to get one of your blankets from home to wrap her in, take lots of photos (there are photographers out there who donate their services in this situation), kiss her, hug her, love her - all of these memories will become precious to you. I couldn't have realised at the time I wanted photos but luckily the nurses took a lot and they really are precious to me.

In the days, weeks, and months to come, keep breathing. That's all you have to do to start with.

Go with what feels right for a memorial service. We had a lot of our friends and family there, that was right for us. Some people prefer something private.

When you're ready, we'll be here to support you. I lost my daughter 5 months ago and it's heartbreaking but I know you'll keep breathing.

I am so sorry - I'll be thinking of you.

Maddie x

Monkey Meanderings said...

As I sit hit with tears rolling down my cheeks, my heart breaks with yours. There is nothing I can say to ease your pain. Simply know I love you and pray for you and your entire family.

*Belle* said...

I Am so Sorry Kerry, this is a pain that i wish no mother ever had to feel or even think about. I will still pray for a miracle and I truly hope you get that miracle and are able to take home a baby in a couple months. Like many other baby lost moms have said take as many pictures as you can, if she does have some hair get some ask to keep everything she touches ie blankets and hats. and if you believe in it you can have her baptized or christened and ask to keep the gown. im praying for you and your little one

~Denise~ said...

I am so sorry Kerry.

Carrie said...

I'm so sorry, Kerry. We will continue to think about you. I just can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. We are sending you a big hug and many prayers.

Chip & Karen said...

Kerry & Shannon

Chip and I will continue lifting your family up to the Lord. Your comfort can come from Him when it seems impossible, as in Ps 55, Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. We are still praying for a miracle for little Josey. Karen

Katie said...

I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you and hoping for a miracle!

Shannon said...

I am so sorry, Kerry. I am one of those people that have found you through Ashley's blog. I will keep you, sweet little Josey and all your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Saffy said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so very very sorry. No words - just hugs >:D<

Lisa said...

God be with you, Shannon, and Josey. I will continue to pray for a miracle for all of you. I am so very sorry. Lisa

Jen J. said...

Stopping over from Ashley's blog. I am so so very sorry to hear this news - sending so many prayers your family's way.

Cecilia said...

I don't have many words to say, just know I'm so sorry.

Kim said...

There are no words except that I'm sorry and we love you all SOOOOOOOO much!

Michelle said...

I left a little gift for you on my blog. www.missingjuanito.blogspot.com

Soko's Journey to Parenthood said...

My heart is breaking and lots of prayers are being sent your way.

Debbie said...

Kerry ... we keep you Shannon and Baby Josey in our prayers ..... Love You

u_talk2much said...

Oh dear we are thinking of you as you go through this and lifting you up to God.

Natasha said...

I'm so deeply sorry. My heart breaks for you. There are no words. Lean on God. Lean on your family and friends. Lean on other PE survivors. They will get you through! God bless.

Angela said...

Many prayers to you and your family. Still praying for a miracle to happen on top of the miracle she already is. Your journey has touched many. Please know you are loved far and wide.
God Bless,
Angie

Jaime said...

Hi Kerry,

Ashley just updated us. I am so sorry your sweet Josey did not get to stay with you longer. My heart aches for you. You are amazing for doing everything you possibly could have to save your little one.

I know the path you take now will be a difficult one... please know you are not alone. We are all here to help bring a little sunshine your way.

Sending love across the miles,
Jaime
xo

Saffy said...

Kerry, I am so incredibly sorry about Josey. You were such a fighter and you got Josey to such a respectable weight and gestation too. You really did do everything you could have, I'm sure.

Preeclampsia is such a mean thing. No rhyme or reason, it just 'is'. Like the lovely Jaime says, you're not alone. You've got Ashley and a whole community of preeclampsia survivors (incl me) who I'm sure will be there for you if you want someone to talk with.

Whatever happens from here on in, you are forever a fantastic mother who, by golly, gave it her all. Josey was a lucky girl to have picked you.

Wishing you peace xx

Antoinette said...

Kerry, although we have never met, I never needed to....your thoughts were with me everyday as I watched with hope that things would have been different...Im so sorry you had to join this God awful group of mothers with Angels....Im so sorry to hear about Josey. She is beautiful I heard...she has to be, she was your baby...and I didnt need to see you to know...your a wonderful mother....you literally risked your life as much as you could...know you did everything right!! She is with Nolan now and will guide you for the rest of your life until you meet again....May God have mercy on your heart and allow you to heal...I am here if you need to talk or cry with someone...YOU have so many people praying for you....xoxo....(((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Please reach out if you need to antoinettestabile@Msn.com

Brooke said...

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry. You and baby Josey are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl. My thoughts are with you and your family.

belle said...

kerry,

holding you in my thoughts and prayers. always remembering josey with you..... you gave your all, you did nothing wrong. you love her completely. she is blessed that you are her mom. you ARE her mom.
xoxoxox

Lisette said...

I am so sorry, all this weekend you have been in my thoughts and prayers.
You did all you possibly could, you are an amazing mommy! I wish there was something that could be said that would make things better or easier on your broken heart. ((HUGS))

Angela said...

Many prayers to you, your husband and your angel baby. I can't imagine what you're going through. The only thing I know is I want to wrap my arms around you. You are forever a mother. You got to experience the deepest love there is. Please take care of yourself and your husband. Josie is a lucky girl to have such loving parents who went to the ends of the earth for her. Be assured she is keeping watch over you and in God's loving arms.

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