Friday, May 21, 2010

Moving to a new blog

I am moving to a new blog site. If I knew how to connect the two blogs and redirect you when you clicked on this one, I'd do it, but I just don't have the patience. LOL

So for all of you wanting to keep up with us and our journey to "our new normal" just click on the new link below:

See you soon!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


It was a big day for numbers yesterday. I had two family members running for reelection in our local primary and I had a doctor's appointment. Both ended pretty well. We won reelection and the doc gave me some promising stats.

I was told yesterday that he (the doc) feels I have a 30-40% chance of the preeclampsia reoccurring, but only about a 10% chance of it happening so early. This of course is in stark contrast to what I was told when I left the hospital. I've decided these doctors really have absolutely no clue as to whether or not it could happen again; only that since I've had it once, then I am at a higher risk than someone who hasn't had it.

Of course, these numbers could be different once I hear from my lab results. Should my homocysteine levels come back high, then that changes those numbers, but he didn't say to what. However, he didn't feel they would come back high. So, we'll see. I go back in three weeks for a BP check. He's weaning me completely off the bp meds. I'm keeping my fingers crossed I won't need them anymore. Hopefully that will be my last appointment for awhile.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

missing my girl

I'm missing my baby girl today. Missing the future we had planned for her, for us. We were so happy and so excited. She changed everything. And then...poof, she was gone. I'm having an it's so not fair day today. Dad always told me life's not fair, but this is just ridiculous. I've had two really good days; I guess I'm due for a bad one. Plus, I have a doctor's appointment this week and they have to do blood work. Not to mention my least favorite friend, PMS, has returned. I'll probably have a nice cry the first day of my period. lol

Oh well. I am thankful for two fun days. Shan and I enjoyed ourselves Friday night and we had a lot of fun yesterday. We cleaned the boat and got it put in the water. It's ready for the summer. We even managed to get a little sun. We also watched my brother-in-law and all the juniors and seniors get announced and walk in to the prom.  All in all, it was a good day. Now if I could just figure out how to have those kinds of days everyday, we'd be getting somewhere.

Friday, May 14, 2010


It's Friday and it's date night. I'm so excited! lol We are finally going to the Melting Pot tonight for our overdue anniversary dinner. Tomorrow we're picking up our boat. It's cleaning time, then off to put it back in the water. It's also prom. My brother-in-law is a senior, so we have to get the boat clean and in the water before tomorrow evening. Hopefully, Sunday's weather will hold out so we can spend a little time at the lake.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. :)

Monday, May 10, 2010

A New Day

A new week. A new day. Thank God. Looking ahead over the rest of this year is so overwhelming. There are so many "firsts" we have to get through. Luckily, I just got through one of them. I have two more this month. One next month. One in July. The fall months have very special and exciting milestones, but difficult all the same. And then of course, the holidays. So much for just saying, "I wish I could fast forward to next month" because each "next month" holds something we've got to get through and deal with.

For the record, I'm doing a bit better than this blog probably makes it seem. When I'm hit with one of those moments of weakness, I tend to want to write it out. When everything is going ok, I don't really feel the need to write; thus, more sad posts than positive. Yesterday was miserable to say the least. However, I really want to thank those few folks that took the time to remember me, to send me a little note just saying we're thinking of you. I needed that yesterday and I am so grateful to each of you for not being scared to acknowledge me. It meant a lot.

Luckily, my new Sookie Stackhouse book arrived Saturday morning. So I had plenty of escapism for Sunday, and Shan even sprung for Chinese food. LOL

Thursday, May 6, 2010

One Month Later

Today is such a beautiful day to be such a tough week - Mother's Day and all. I think I'm doing okay. I still find time to cry at some point, usually in the mornings and evenings. Although lately, just in the evenings. It's been a few days since a breakdown, so I consider that good. The hardest part for me right now is trying to deal with everyday life again. Basically, getting back out in the public, talking to people and going places and being able to readjust to how my life has changed and accepting that others may not see that.

It's hard when people, whether it be acquaintances, friends, family, etc., would rather just ignore you than have to look you in the eye and even speak. And it's even worse when those people are close to you. I'm still me, maybe a little rattled, but it's still me. Maybe just being around me depresses them; I don't know. I do my best to stay very positive and upbeat around everyone. I may have my moments at home by myself, or with Shannon or Mom, but overall I try not to be "oh whoas me" around anyone.

I guess the point of this entry is a new acceptance for me - my new normal. lol I need to accept these things as a new part of my life and try not to dwell too much on them. Although it's only been a month and I'm still heartbroken, I do see the light ahead. Sometimes it shines brighter than others, but at least it's there.

I've read on other blogs that this happens in these types of situations. I won't lie and say it hasn't hurt my feelings. And I won't lie and say it hasn't hurt that some people I thought were friends never even bothered to check on me during all of this, but then others have come into my life and really made a difference. I guess it's always checks and balances and a big fat that's just life.

Anyway, here's to a beautiful day here in Kentucky. May the sun keeping shining on this old Kentucky home....(boy that was cheesy LOL)

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Rainy Sunday

What a nasty day. Roads are flooded all over town. Our rental house is flooded. Shannon is over there trying to pump out the water. Our house is fine, thankfully, but it looks like a river is running through our backyard. The day has fit my mood perfectly. I had a rough morning. Sometimes it's not the past I'm grieving, but the future. Just not knowing at this point whether or not it's safe for us to try again and feeling in my gut that that's exactly the case. It's awful.

To get my mind out of the gutter, I got up and rearranged the furniture in two of our bedrooms. I eventually had to stop because I couldn't move the treadmill by myself, despite trying to do so. I would love to do laundry, but the washer is broken - still - but hopefully it will be fixed sometime this week. I may just go bake a big batch of brownies. That usually cures any bad mood. :)